Noah “Scoozi” Cutler


“In 1996 (1995?) A.D., the perfectly simultaneous striking of “one” on 69,696.969 metronomes across the unobservable universe created a dimensional rift large enough to allow Scoozi, demigod of Bryn Mawr, PA, to arrive in our humble humanoid world.

After giving unto the unwashed masses of Pennsylvania the gifts of beat-o-logical knowledge, face-melting chops, Kool-Aid ™, and true, unadulterated, 100% USDA Grade-A sweg, young Scoozi elected to travel north in search of further knowledge and camaraderie. And, in the lands Jumbos call home, Scoozi found the sacred Mukandan fellowship generally known as B.E.A.T.s. Once permitted to join their ranks, Scoozi used his unquestionably spicy, ghost-busting polyrhythmic skills to slay the minotaur in Greece while also bringing peace to ancient Mesopotamia.

What does the future hold for Scoozi? Social scientists across the globe have offered up divergent theories on the impact that Scoozi will have on the development of our universe. Wielding a kind of power for which we humans have not yet invented a word, Scoozi stands alone in his ability to influence the flow of all history yet to be made. Only one thing can be said with any degree of certainty: the fate of our world, of all worlds, is inexplicably tied to the fate of Scoozi.”