Sarah “Strüdel” Kalinowski

Sarah “Strüdel” Kalinowski, also known as Strüdz or even Josh Cuervo, descended upon the B.E.A.T.s labyrinth after her journey to a small Australian town on the coast of Guatemala. After being raised by a herd of sheep on Old McDonald’s Farm, she had acquired the proper skill set to travel the world selling toaster ovens and ballpoint pens. Little did the young and naïve Strüdel know that the Guatemalan-Australian population would not be so easy to win over.

After a 42 mile swim, 0.86 mile bus trip, and 300 yard golf club ride, Strüdel landed in the remote town and began making her way, going door-to-door effortlessly trying to sell her prime stock of home goods. After a week and a half of unsuccessful attempts, Strüdel was on the verge of giving up, as she slammed her bag full of ovens and pens to the floor. The pens clanged against the polished metal sides of the toaster ovens, creating a tone so pure it was said to have actually put broken glass back together, and instantly music was born in the mind of Strüdz. She set up a 56-piece percussion set with her unsold toasters and proceeded to hone her skills of banging on the Guatemalan shores.

But where would such a skill come in handy? Strüdel was not sure where she could put her newfound ability to use; until she saw a billboard advertising a school specifically for those converted from toaster oven/pen salespeople to percussionists, called “Tufts School of B.E.A.T.s, Hot Cheetos, and Takis.” Here, Strüdel traded her ovens and pens for drumsticks and buckets, but her musical fusion was no less potent.