Meet Ruben “Dr. Bones” Sonz-Barnes: soundscape-mixer, beat-crafter extraordinaire, and possessor of spicy hot chops. This virtuoso lovechild of Aphrodite and Clifford the Big Red Dog is fluent in the Language of Love in six regional dialects (watch out, ladies!), and has been known to clap without moving his hands, as well as lay down phat drum solos using only his eyebrows. The aforementioned examples are merely a choice few symptoms of Bones’s peculiar physical anomaly: his marrow produces not erythrocytes but raw talent.
Upon the commencement of his third year of undergraduate study, this young, afroed native of The Octopus’s Garden will take on the title of “Dr. Bones.” Bones currently dreams of using this heightened status to achieve his lifelong dream engineering touch-sensitive tone-generating toe socks. Many highly-acclaimed sources confidently hypothesize that it will be at that event of Bones’s ascension that the global dimensional shift usually associated with the end of the Mayan calendar will occur. Is the world ready for the rise of Dr. Bones? Time will tell.