Pesto was birthed in a small Italian villa somewhere in the Swiss Alps – perhaps “birthed” is not the right word, so much as “created.” Luigi Battuta, esteemed chef of northern Lombardia, was mixing up his quotidian medley of basil, garlic, salt, pine nuts, goat cheese and olive oil, when suddenly something strange occurred. The proportions on that day were far too perfect. “Mamma mia!” cried the unsuspecting chef. From the green mixture, emerged a beautiful man-child with a particular affinity for making fresh beats, thenceforth self-proclaimed as “Lil Pesto.”
Few and far between were such dashing drummers as young Pesto. Out in the fields he would frolic and roam with the other goats of the Italian countryside. But Pesto could have no shepherd, and he quickly realized that he was unlike his hornéd companions?soon, he was ostracized by his fellow Capricorns, and was forced to seek refuge further south in Naples. Restless, hungry and dejected, the man-boy prodigy fell asleep in a shipyard on the Amalfi coast.
Pesto awoke to find that he had dozed off for several weeks on a cargo ship bound for America. He stepped onto land and read the nearest sign: “Boston Harbor.” After several weeks of binge drinking and Yahtzee tournaments, Lil P stumbled onto Tufts University campus, awe-struck. It didn?t take long for young Pesto to find his calling. He had caught rumor of a ridiculously fresh ensemble of strapping young lads (and two women), known as B.E.A.T.S. After acing the audition with his impeccable, indigenous goat mating call (his days in the Italian country side served him faithfully), Pesto became a beloved, irreplaceable member of the group.
Note: Lil Pesto is not actually enrolled at Tufts University. Again, he just wandered onto campus one day, but somehow has managed not to be noticed by the upper administration while “sitting in” on classes.